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This essay was long in the making and has immensely profited from the thoughts of many interlocutors. I am extremely grateful to Clemens Apprich and Joshua Neves for inviting me to present at the Seminar in Media & Political Theory, Concordia University Montréal, and to all participants for their valuable feedback. I am also indebted to the participants of the workshop “Libidinal Economies of Contemporary Capitalism,” who helped me further develop my initial thoughts on the function of paranoia in finance, and to the reviewers whose comments went a long way toward improving this paper. Last but not least, I would like to thank Asia Bazdyrieva and Svitlana Matviyenko for their generosity in collectively thinking through imperatives to be paranoid and for discussing attempts to refrain from responding.